HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, advice advisers! We are gays in June by answering LGBTQ +questions. As always, send your meetings / sex / relationships that ries to reddeding@gmail.com.
Dear Anna,
My girlfriend and I (two 28, together for three years) have a solid group of friends from university and work, but we are the only queer couple in the group. Although our friends are favorable and inclusive, we want links with other LGBTQ + people who “get it” without explanation. The problem is that we do not know how to diversify at this stage of our lives. We have exceeded the club scene and dating applications are obviously not the right friendship tool. We tried some LGBTQ +meetings, but they biased much more than us. How do we find our queer family chosen without them feeling forced or as if we abandon our current friendships? We want to extend our circle, not replace it, but we have trouble knowing where to start. – bad to find friends
Dear Bff,
The struggle is real. Whatever sexual orientation, the more we age, The more it is difficult to make friends. This is not your fault. When we are younger, socialization is integrated into many of our activities. As they get older, it becomes less and less true. And depending on where you live, find weird Friends can be particularly difficult, especially if you are in a monogamous relationship, alias not making the dating pipeline to friends.
I have living memories to be 22 years old and make friends for life with random people on the sidewalk of pride, to be swept away in their group of friends like a beautiful gay fairy tale. (Gayle Fairy?) Alas, these days are over. Is it because I'm too jaded to make conversations with foreigners on the sidewalks? Or because everyone is buried in their phones? Probably both, plus the fun weight crushing adult social anxiety.
But don't think! Alternatives exist. However, like obtaining abs or learning tiktok, a certain amount of effort must be invested to hurt them.
Let's talk about applications, because as the cliché does, there is an application for everything now, including queer friendship. Lex has a friendship / community component which (in my opinion) works much better than using it for meetings. It is first in text, so you get to know people's personalities instead of judging the selfie game of their bathroom mirror. In addition, you can join group cats according to your interests – comedy shows, fan -fiction, climbing, erotic hook (I mean, we can dream), etc. It also allows you to go to “in search of friends” mode, although you will always get the occasional person who has clearly not read your profile and your proposals anyway. And Bumble Bff also exists – not exclusively queer, but you can be quite obvious on what you are looking for.
For IRL connections, think beyond these generic events “LGBTQ + Meetup” where everyone is clumsily composed of gluten-free plates. Look for groups based on activity where friendship occurs naturally while you are distracted by doing something fun. What do you like to do anyway that happens better with other queer humans? Reading clubs where you can say if this character was really gay or simply “really good friends”, hiking groups, volunteer work that does not make you want to cry. Many cities have queer sports leagues ranging from serious competition to less serious. (Drunk Pickleball, anyone?) The nights of Trivia Gay Bar are clutches – Nothing endorses that people like collectively do not remember who won Eurovision in 2019.
Pro advice: become the lesbian social coordinator you want to exist in the world. Organize a potluck of relaxed pride and make each of your hetero friends bring a queer they know. Your allies probably have LGBTQ +colleagues, cousins ​​or this person in their yoga course which has a drilling of labrets and a rainbow carabine. You would be surprised to see how connected we are through the gay vine.
Also discover LGBTQ + Local centers – many have specific age events so as not to feel like someone's mother in a university mixer or someone's granddaughter at home. (Although I did both and these events also have their charms.)
Do not forget: Chosen Building The family is a marathon, not a sprint (unless you are really lucky and you fall into a group of friends in Karaoke Night / a magic sidewalk). Start with a real connection and let it take as long as it takes to flower. The beauty of queer friendship is real – this moment “Finally, someone who feels” when you don't have to explain why your heart accelerates during certain songs of Chappell Roan or that you watch Cate Blanchett literally do anything. Be patient and keep looking. Good pride.
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(Anna Pulley is a columnist for the syndicated tribune content agency answering the readers' questions on love, sex and meetings. Send your questions by e-mail (guaranteed anonymity) to redededating@gmail.com, register for her rare newsletter (however incredible) or consult it books!)
